back again?

So, my last post was about 4 months ago and I'm a little sad that this blog didn't go anywhere. Cooking can be very discouraging--I make one bad meal and I feel like I'm a horrible cook. I wish I wasn't so hard on myself, but as my husband often says, it's the mark of a true artist to sometimes be self-loathing.

I find myself wondering how I grew to like cooking so much since my parents never did much of it. I can't really pinpoint a homemade dish from my childhood that sticks out, mostly I remember a lot of McDonald's. I do however remember that some of my favorite memories were rainy Saturday afternoons watching Jacques and Julia bicker in their cooking show on PBS. They were the epitome of the Odd Couple and it was usually very entertaining to watch. Looking back now, it sort of reminds me of when my husband and I get in the kitchen together. I tend to be very pushy and anal... he's more laid back with a go-with-the-flow mentality.

On the other hand, thinking of this classic cooking show saddens me because food TV has changed so much. Producers are manufacturing TV chefs left and right with less focus on talent and more emphasis on looks and personality. Yes, I know you need to have personality to be on TV, but should it take precedence over true talent? Has anyone who watches Food Network noticed the changes in Giada? She wore much less makeup and low cut shirts in her earlier shows... same thing with Rachael Ray and this new chick Claire Robinson. Even their sets have changed to be more appealing. Since when do food and attractiveness go hand in hand? I'd rather watch Julia Child hunch over a cutting board with close-ups of her age-spotted hands speaking in that strange voice than watch some of the stuff popular today. I do love the Barefoot Contessa but she hasn't changed much throughout the years, except for maybe gaining a few pounds. Maybe I'm just getting old and crotchety, but change sometimes is definitely not good.

It sounds kinda weird, but the first time I saw Ratatouille I felt so validated. The scene where Remy is watching Gusteau on TV in the old lady's house and closes his eyes takes a bite of a strawberry, then a bite of cheese, then the strawberry and the cheese together?! And sees all colors dance in front of his eyes?! Priceless... and what's more, that's me! I would say that I am blessed with the gift of synesthesia--an involuntary joining in which the real information of one sense is accompanied by a perception in another sense--in this case, I "see" color when I read or use my other senses--sound, touch, and especially taste. And it's not just one solid color, it's sometimes fireworks, rainbows, seas. Some would argue that taste is our most complex sense, and I think it's important to know the basics of taste, like what, plus what makes something sublime; yellow plus blue makes green... literally. I feel like as I grow as a cook, my knowledge of how flavors layer and interact. For example, not all onions are created equal, tomatoes taste different in winter and summer, and all rices have personalities of their own.

When I first started cooking, I was a slave to recipes, and still am when I'm experimenting with something new. But as I mature as a cook, I feel more confident working within a recipe and at times changing some ingredients, with good results, to balance or heighten flavors. I've learned that cooking is an ongoing process that requires constant adjustments. You have to add flavoring agents at the right times. Anyone can pick up flaws in salt and sugar seasoning, but the nuances are the second tier. Is there enough sage? Should I put a little nutmeg in? Sharpening my sense of taste--learning to identify and understand different flavors--has taken my cooking to a new level.

Pollo

Chicken and I have been on the outs. Lately when I cook with it it just disgusts me. I'm not sure why this is the case with chicken but not beef? I only ever cook with breast (unless I'm roasting an entire chicken, and that experience made me sad because the poor bird reminded me of a small child) so I don't deal with any blood, skin, or bones. I'm okay with it until I take that first bite, and then I have a flashback of dealing with it raw. There's also the business of avoiding salmonella. I am OCD about making sure I don't cross-contaminate (which by the way I can't say of some food network show hosts who get their chicken fingers on everything). My hands are so dry they feel like they're going to crack when I'm done with the kitchen. Another thing that really turns my stomach about my chicken is this meaty taste my husband calls "desabrido" (not sure if I spelled that right). It's Spanish for "raw taste". Not that I undercook the chicken, but it's got that distinct meat flavor that is just unappetizing.

Lately though, I've been experimenting with sauces. Monday night I made an avocado sauce that I have to admit was delicious. Today I actually marinated the chicken for about 8 hours in yogurt and Indian spices. The recipe was Tandoori Chicken which called for the oven to be set to 500 degrees, which in retrospect was probably a bad idea. About 20 minutes into cooking I couldn't get the smoke alarms turned off, probably because there are still cheese bits on the bottom of the oven from all those late night Digiorno's :-)

Amy's

Has anyone ever tried Amy’s Organic frozen meals? I started buying these months ago and I LOVE them! My favorite so far is the pesto tortellini, which tastes better than any tortellini I’ve had at a restaurant. I’m eating one as I type and I after I finish I plan to spoon up the remaining pesto :-) She has different genres, all organic and vegetarian (which I like because frozen meat always tastes funny), including Italian, Mexican, Indian (of which I’ve only tried one of, and hated it, so steer clear from the Mattar Paneer). I’ve tried many of the Mexican ones, my favorite being the cheese enchiladas but got burned out after learning that the nutritional info only applies to one of the two enchiladas, and because they’re a little greasy. I also loved the roasted vegetable lasagna. They even have pizza!! The problem with Amy’s is that they’re a little hard to find and kinda pricy. At Sprouts, the meals were about $5 a piece, which is far better than going out for lunch every day at work, but is still a little hard to swallow ;-)

Filet Mignon

Tonight, the inspiration was carnal. Meat and potatoes. Also known as the 40lbs of red meat my husband brought home a couple weeks ago that is hogging all the space in the freezer. I rarely cook beef, for the simple fact that I don't like it all that much, but I guess my iron was low tonight. I needed protein in the form of the daintiest of beef cuts. Juicy, tender, filet mignon.

On my way home from work, I contemplated methods of cooking... cast iron skillet, stainless steel pan; but it was my husband who insisted that I cook out on the grill so I didn't smell the house up like I did last night with pan-seared salmon. So it was decided, and after a mojito, I took the hunks of meat outside. We fired up the grill (well, actually just turned on the gas and turned the knob to high) and I started to sear the meat. Two minutes each side. Now, this was my first time cooking this particular cut of meat, and I had done some research. This particular cut has a very low fat content being as it is cut from the short loin of the cow, thus the connective tissue is not toughened by exercise resulting in extremely tender meat. You wouldn't cook a filet like you would, say, a brisket which has a huge amount of fat. So my method was to be quick and dry. A little pat of the meat with paper towels, a painting of canola oil, and a dusting of kosher salt and pepper. This was beginning to look good. I took the filets off the grates after about 7 or 8 minutes of cooking and let them rest wrapped in aluminum foil. This is always the worst part of cooking--letting the meat rest so the juices don't pour out the minute you stick your steak knife in. Finally the 10 minutes were up, I loaded up our plates with a heaping of garlicky spinach mashed potatoes, asparagus, and the glorious meat, and we sat down to enjoy the fruits of my labor...

The fantasy of having a steakhouse quality piece of meat was short lived. The moment I cut into the steak I knew it was over. I had overcooked it, booo. It was as if I cooked all the flavor out, and it didn't tear apart like it does in restaurants. I had to cover each forkfull with a heaping of potatoes to cover up my embarrassment. My loving husband of course said it was delicious, as he always does, but I knew the truth. I had cooked myself a hockey puck, with a side of veggies. Better luck next time, eh?